10 Things Happy Couples Do

 

By Mark  Goulston, M.D.

Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when  the honeymoon is

over. They know that unless you maintain the garden of love,  its beauty

will wither and die. In a recent column, you discovered the 10 relationship

mistakes to avoid. Now discover the 10 things  that happy couples do:

1. Go to bed at the same time.

Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make

love?  Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times.

They go to  bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do

things while  their partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common interests.

After the  passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in  common. But don't minimize the

importance of activities you can do together that  you both enjoy. If

common interests are not present, happy couples develop them.  At the same

time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you  more

interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too  dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.

Rather than one  partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably  hand in hand or

side by side. They know it's more important to be with their  partner than

to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and  forgiveness your default mode.

 If and when they have a disagreement or  argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples

default to trusting and  forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on  what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong. 

If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find

something.  If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find

something, too.  It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples

accentuate the  positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after  work.

Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused)  and "no touch"

(neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin  bathed in

the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in  the world.

7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every  morning.

This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each  partner sets out each day

to battle traffic jams, long lines and other  annoyances.

8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you  feel.

This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him  or her, you

still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your

partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a  "weather" check during the day.

Call your partner at home or at work to see  how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust

expectations so that  you're more in sync when you connect after work. For

instance, if your partner  is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable

to expect him or her to be  enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud  to be seen with your partner.

Happy couples are pleased to be

seen together  and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand

on hand or hand on  shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing

off but rather just  saying that they belong with each other.

Even if these actions don't  come naturally, happy couples stick with them

until they do become a part of  their relationship. They know that it takes

30 days for a change in behavior to  become a habit, and a minimum of six

months for a habit to become a way of life  and love.

"Life is not about what you've gained, it's about what  you've done"